A letter to my inner child during the Corona Lockdown
Dear Steven
I know that in the past couple of weeks you have been feeling very scared, and perhaps wanting to either retreat back into your safe space of no being, of locking away feeling or to lashing out, to pushng your fear up to me.
I understand and there is no blame, no thought of punishment. I understand.
Being alone, having love and inclusion in the family taken away, being held safe inside the bonds of parental love denied was something that was used as a threat, a way to control you, to make you feel scared of not abusing to the demands of those who had hurt you. And I understand that today, when we are being both coerced and made to feel scared by authorities so far beyond us that it feels exactly the same.
That all that was done to you as a child is being re-enacted now, that life, your entire existence is nothing more than a giant flash back to your childhood abuse and one that no grounding no psychological techniques will bring you back from.
I know that the nightmares you have had for the last 40 years are coming to life and that all you want to do is scream and cry and call out for somebody to save you, for somebody to come and hold you to let you feel safe again. I know you are again the little boy sitting on the bed crying, desperate for your parent to come to you and comfort you rather than hurt you.
But I am here, i will hold your hand and I will do my best, as poor as that may be. I believe that there are people out there who care and love you even if you, or even they, don’t know it yet.
So i give you my word, I will be with you, no matter how this ends.
And ‘It will be all right in the end, and if it isn’t all right then it isn’t the end yet’
